It Just Doesn't Feel Like Last Year

The Swans are an important part of my winters in Sydney. There are 22 games each season and we get 11 glorious home games. In the last 2 years, I've put the games into my calendar so that I know they're there. I still take gigs if they come up, but I don't schedule candle parties or rehearsals during home games. It's important for me to be there.

Last year, the Swans lived a fairy tale. They didn't win every game, in fact, they lost enough to keep you wondering if it could really ever happen. They even lost their first finals game - but because they were in the top four at the end of the regular season, they got another chance. And it was at home.

This photo is one I took of an ecstatic Douglas hugging an incredibly happy Ange at the tail end of that game. They were both so excited as the game reached a climax that they couldn't even sit in their seats. They were standing in the aisle - willing the Swans to victory. And victory was ours. It was incredible.

The next week, Angela flew to Melbourne to watch as the Swans play in the semi-final match against St Kilda. Winning that game was a dream for us. We weren't brave enough to say it outloud... and yet, it happened. Again, we were in tears. It was a feeling I haven't felt since the Phoenix Suns won game 5 in the finals against the Chicago Bulls in 1994. Glorious.

And the following week, I stood in the Welcome Hotel in Balmain. Dressed in a white t-shirt that called out in faded red letters "Crush! Kill! Destroy!" A mantra originally from Lost in Space, but more recently adopted by Angela as her own personal Braveheart to the Swans when she wants them to kick some ass on the field. Tex had bought us both the shirts after experiencing a game the previous year. I thought the shirt would help keep the luck rolling....

We were playing the West Coast Eagles. They were the team that had beaten us in the first round of the finals. We knew it would be tight. We knew it would be good. We didn't know if we could do it. We thought we could. We hoped. We wanted.

And the match was everything it needed to be. We were in front. We were behind. They scored. We scored. They scored again. The clock in an AFL match isn't a count down - it's a count up. And after 20 minutes elapse, all you know is that the final siren could come any time. Out of bounds time and injury time are all added to the 20 minute playing time. Short quarters end at 23 minutes. Long ones can go 33 minutes. In this game, the siren was imminent. And the Swans were in front. And the Eagles had the ball. And the ball was in the air heading toward their goal scoring area. And there were Eagles players and Swans players looking up for the ball - pushing each other and trying to get in the perfect postion to catch that ball! And as it dropped, one Swan somehow jumped higher and at precisely at the right time. And as Leo Barry caught that ball, it still wasn't over. I held my breath. We all did.

And then the beautiful siren.

The best sound I've ever heard.

I peed my pants.

Move forward 51 weeks.... Last night, I went to the semi final match between Sydney and Fremantle. The Dockers. We played the first finals game a couple of weeks ago. Against our nemisis, the West Coast Eagles. I predicted a Swans win but a close game two weeks ago. And that's what we got. So instead of having another game, we got a week off.

Last night we never lost our lead. We scored first and we lead the whole night. It wasn't a blow out, but we never let them in. And victory didn't taste as sweet. It just didn't.

It just doesn't feel the same this year. It isn't the fairy tale. Don't get me wrong. It's great to be a winner. And I'm a proud fan. I'm a happy member. Very happy. We're playing better than we did last year. We're a great team. It's just that I can't get that feeling.

I'm not counting my chickens before they're hatched. We haven't won the Championship this year. We don't even know who we're playing yet - Adelaide and the West Coast Eagles are vying for that as I type. Angela and Ben will be in Melbourne next week for the game. I will go to the Welcome and probably stand right where I did last year.

Let me tell you what I want. I want a tight game. Where both teams play really, really hard footy. Where the umpires let the game move as it should. Where the fans get loud and make the whole arena shake. Where in the fourth quarter you don't know who's going to win.

And then... I want to pee my pants again.